4.5.17

Book Blurb Breakdown: Royal Bastards by Andrew Shvarts

book blurb breakdown


Book Blurb Breakdown is a Sarcasm & Lemons feature where your anal English degree-holding author (gently) rips apart jacket blurbs to pin down what makes her want to pick up the book instantly--and what makes her want to throw it at the wall.  See the original post for more detail.  It's also just an excuse to talk about books I'm excited for in a fun way. 

If you'd like to do a breakdown, here's a snazzy little button!  Post your link in the comments. 








today's blurb





Status:  Read



the blurb: as is 

from Goodreads


Being a bastard blows. Tilla would know. Her father, Lord Kent of the Western Province, loved her as a child, but cast her aside as soon as he had trueborn children.

At sixteen, Tilla spends her days exploring long-forgotten tunnels beneath the castle with her stablehand half brother, Jax, and her nights drinking with the servants, passing out on Jax’s floor while her castle bedroom collects dust. Tilla secretly longs to sit by her father’s side, resplendent in a sparkling gown, enjoying feasts with the rest of the family. Instead, she sits with the other bastards, like Miles of House Hampstedt, an awkward scholar who’s been in love with Tilla since they were children.

Then, at a feast honoring the visiting princess Lyriana, the royal shocks everyone by choosing to sit at the Bastards’ Table. Before she knows it, Tilla is leading the sheltered princess on a late-night escapade. Along with Jax, Miles, and fellow bastard Zell, a Zitochi warrior from the north, they stumble upon a crime they were never meant to witness.

Rebellion is brewing in the west, and a brutal coup leaves Lyriana’s uncle, the Royal Archmagus, dead—with Lyriana next on the list. The group flees for their lives, relentlessly pursued by murderous mercenaries; their own parents have put a price on their heads to prevent the king and his powerful Royal Mages from discovering their treachery.

The bastards band together, realizing they alone have the power to prevent a civil war that will tear their kingdom apart—if they can warn the king in time. And if they can survive the journey . . .


the blurb:  shredded 



Being a bastard blows. (This first line is great. Totally nails the tone of the writing.) Tilla would know. Her father, Lord Kent of the Western Province, loved her as a child, but cast her aside as soon as he had trueborn children.  (Awww! Also I love this concept. You don't read a lot about illegitimate royals.) 

At sixteen, (Totally unnecessary. Or maybe just worded weirdly.) Tilla spends her days exploring long-forgotten tunnels beneath the castle with her stablehand half brother, Jax, and her nights drinking with the servants, passing out on Jax’s floor while her castle bedroom collects dust. (I've conveniently stricken through all the unnecessary words.) Tilla secretly longs to sit by her father’s side, resplendent in a sparkling gown, enjoying feasts with the rest of the family. Instead, she sits with the other bastards, like Miles of House Hampstedt, an awkward scholar who’s been in love with Tilla since they were children. (There. We're getting there.) 

Then, at a feasthonoring the visiting princess Lyriana, the royal shocks everyone by choosing to sit at the Bastards’ Table. Before she knows it, Tilla is leading the sheltered princess on a late-night escapade. Along with Jax, Miles, and fellow bastard Zell, a Zitochi warrior from the north, Everything changes (or something) when they stumble upon a crime they were never meant to witness. (BREVITY.)

Rebellion is brewing in the west, and a brutal coup leaves Lyriana’s uncle, the Royal Archmagus, dead—with Lyriana next on the list. The group flees for their lives, relentlessly pursued by murderous mercenaries; (Seriously, this is literally all you need to know. This is the hook. The rest fleshes out the plot, yeah, but you don't need to know it right now.) their own parents have put a price on their heads to prevent the king and his powerful Royal Mages from discovering their treachery.

The bastards band together, realizing they alone have the power to prevent a civil war that will tear their kingdom apart—if they can warn the king in time. And if they can survive the journey . . . (I actually like this bit. This tells you everything the last paragraph did but with fewer independent clauses.)


the verdict 

2/5 stars
would i read it?:  yes 


I love love love this book (review to come) but HOLY BLURB, BATMAN. I feel like intrinsic to the word "blurb" is the concept of brevity, and this is more like plot vomit. It basically takes you through EVERYTHING that happens in the first few chapters. Like, we don't need to know that? Tell me: do the crossed out phrases make you want to read the book any more than you already would without them? My guess is no. All that's just frill. The core here is that the princess sits with Tilla, they witness a crime, and now they're on the run from the people who committed the crime. And what they know could stop a civil war. PERIOD. Done. Finite. As is, it's just too meandering and confusing. However, I can promise you that the actual book is much tighter and less frilly than its cover copy. 


your thoughts

Does this blurb grab you?  
Do you agree with my thoughts?  If not, how so?  
Have you read it?  Does the blurb match the pages? 
Do you have any recommendations for blurbs I should shred?  

 



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